The Pendulum Approach
Recharging in Calm and Thriving in Chaos
The Fountains at the Bellagio are a perfect example of highs and lows (Vegas in general actually)
Let’s talk about the Pendulum Lifestyle. Never heard of this before? Neither had I until a week ago. This is what I encourage in my coaching, but didn’t define it that way. It’s the best fit for most families rather than the elusive and hard to achieve “life balance”. Does your life feel like certain moments are rushing to get out the door, while others you sit calmly wondering what to do to relax? If you’ve ever found yourself ping-ponging between meal prepping like a pro one day and eating breakfast for dinner the next, welcome to the club. We could be friends.
For those of us managing ADHD, both personally and within the family, this pendulum swing can feel even more intense. One minute, you’re in full focus mode, crossing off to-do lists like a productivity machine, creating a long master plan, and the next, you’re watching three hours of Disney World pro tips on YouTube. Sound familiar?
But here’s the thing: the pendulum isn’t something to fight. It’s something to work with. Going with your natural flow, you can use that swing to your advantage – and I’m here to help you turn those chaotic moments into golden opportunities. Hop on and enjoy the ride!
Ready to take a ride? Let's go!
Embrace the Swing: It’s About Flow, Not Perfection
Here’s a little secret for you: Stop trying to live in a perpetual state of balance. Spoiler alert – it rarely exists in family life today. And just when you think it does…surprise – it all changes. Clients come to me with ideas and goals in mind, and when they say they want more “balance” it’s actually the pendulum lifestyle they are wanting, without even knowing it. The key to the pendulum lifestyle is recognizing that the highs and lows are part of the same motion (science is fun, right?!). In the quiet moments, you refuel, so when chaos arrives, you’ve got the strength to navigate it smoothly.
Instead of feeling guilty for swinging between extremes, recognize that both have value. In the calm phases, you can recharge, plan, and feel like you’ve got it all together. This gives you the momentum to keep going even when things get hard. And in those wild, chaotic moments? Well, that’s where you learn resilience, creativity, and flexibility. Some of the greatest inventions and ideas have come from chaos or accidents.
Coaching Tip #1: Reframe Your “Chaos” Phases
When you’re deep in the chaotic swing, instead of thinking, “I can’t handle this,” try asking yourself, “What opportunities are hiding in this?” It’s a mindset shift that can turn overwhelm into action. Maybe the chaos is revealing a system that isn’t working or showing you a way to get creative with problem-solving.
See the grass on his shorts? He heard running water and slid down the hill. A chaotic moment became calm once we saw the creek.
Opportunities Are Hidden in the Chaos (Yep, Even With ADHD)
One of the coolest things about the pendulum lifestyle is that it forces you to be adaptable. And for families managing ADHD, adaptability is a superpower. There’s nothing like a last-minute schedule change to show you just how flexible you can be. (Look at you, being all spontaneous and stuff.) Although it can be very challenging in the moment, resilience is something which sounds easy in theory, but in practice takes constant work.
But the truth is, those moments of chaos often push us out of our comfort zone, and to find new ways of doing things. You might discover that your kid actually thrives on last-minute schedule changes because they then have the opportunity to create a plan (instead of the adults “telling them what to do”). Or that the impromptu pizza night on the living room floor was the best bonding experience of the week.
Coaching Tip #2: Celebrate Small Wins
In the midst of chaos, it’s easy to feel like nothing’s going right. But there’s always something going right, no matter how small. Did you manage to get everyone out the door without a meltdown? Did you remember to bring snacks for the car trip? High five yourself for those tiny wins. They add up, and they’re often the moments that matter most. Most, if not all the time, you have everything that you need, or you can use your creativity to figure out a solution (kids have some of the best problem-solving ideas). Give yourself credit!
A small win at video blackjack - hey it still counts!
Swing Back to Calm: The Power of Pause
When the pendulum swings back to calm, it’s time to catch your breath. And this is your moment. Use the calm phases to set up systems that support you for when chaos inevitably strikes again (because it will, that’s just part of life). When we are “in the red zone” we can’t clearly think, so planning during the calm phase really is key.
Maybe it’s a simple routine that works for your family, like everyone having a designated "grab-and-go" bin by the door. Or perhaps it’s taking 15 minutes every Sunday to map out the week ahead. And if you're like me, sometimes the best calm strategy is giving yourself permission to put “me time” on the calendar, take the time for myself, and most importantly not feel guilty about it.
Coaching Tip #3: Build Boundaries During the Calm
Boundaries are your best friend. No, you don’t have to think of these as a giant unwavering wall. But think of boundaries as a healthy way of communicating your needs. During the calm phases, practice saying “no” to things that don’t align with your priorities, so when the chaos hits, you’re not drowning in obligations that don’t serve you. Need a way to frame it? Try, “I’d love to, but I’m not available right now.” Easy peasy.
Here I'm enjoying "me time" - yoga on the beach!
Your Pendulum, Your Pace
Everyone’s pendulum swings at a different pace, and that’s the beauty of it. Maybe you spend most of your time in the calm, with just a few bursts of chaos, or maybe it’s a full-blown swing fest at your house. Whatever your rhythm, there’s no “right” way to live. Perfect balance doesn’t exist constantly.
And for my ADHD warriors and families out there? You’ve already got the secret sauce. You know how to make the most of a moment, how to bounce back from setbacks, and how to thrive in unexpected situations. So, the next time the pendulum swings into chaos, just smile, take a deep breath, and remember: hop on and enjoy the ride.
Coaching Tip #4: Reflect and Recalibrate
At the end of each week, take a few minutes to reflect on your pendulum swings. What went well? What could have gone better? Where did you notice opportunities in the chaos? This isn’t about judgment; it’s about learning from the rhythm and getting even better at riding those swings.
Enjoying the swing!
Conclusion: Chaos and Calm Can Coexist
The pendulum lifestyle is all about finding peace with the swing. Instead of wishing for calm 100% of the time (um…boring), learn to embrace the highs and lows. They both serve a purpose, and they both have something to teach you. And if you ever feel like you’re flailing in the chaos, just remember – the calm is always just a swing away.
In the meantime, keep celebrating those small wins, keep being resilient, and know that no matter what, you’re doing a great job. Here’s to embracing the pendulum and loving every wild, wonderful swing.
Enjoy the swing, moms! Until next time.
Copyright Me Time 4 Mom, LLC
